Tag Archives: life

The perception of busyness

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Photo by Celalteber

What does it mean to be busy? Easy definition, right? That’s what I thought, too, until the past few months…

I started hearing this word used all of the time to describe just about everyone’s schedule! I thought, “There’s no way everyone can be this busy.” To investigate, I looked both inward (I was one of the “busy” people) and outward to see what “busy” was all about.

I found myself with quite an onerous schedule this semester, and I started to use the word “busy” on a regular basis. “Sorry, I’m really busy…” “I would love to, but I’m busy,” “This week I’m busy,” “Tuesday is busy,” “Tomorrow is busy,” “Today is busy!”

But was it just me? At the bus stop I started noticing students talking about how busy they were. In class I heard it, too, and even walking on the street I heard it! Meetings were the worst; some people couldn’t attend because they were “busy,” while the ones present were so “busy” that they couldn’t wait to leave! My friends were busy, my friends of friends were busy, my roommates were busy, everyone was busy! Is that even possible?

I started asking questions out of a genuine curiosity. What was everyone doing that made them so busy? Some students had 20 credits, clubs, jobs, and internships, and considered themselves busy. These students admitted to watching little or no TV, having to scarf down meals, and barely sleeping enough to survive. I thought, “Wow, they are indeed busy!”

Photo by Laura00

Yet, at the same time, there were people at the complete end of the spectrum who still considered themselves busy. A friend of mine would watch football, play video games, sleep like a baby, and when asked how the week was, he would respond, “Busy man, real busy.” I thought to myself, “How is that possible? How can two radically different scenarios be described by the same word?” Of course, I’m sure he had other things going on.

Considering the wide range of workloads from all the self-proclaimed busy people, it seems to me that the word “busy” is now synonymous with “alive.” My conversations suggested that everyone was busy regardless of what he or she was doing. It’s just an internal perception…doing anything at all was considered to be busy. Watching seasons of TV shows back-to-back was considered busy, just as playing sports and studying were, too. What is not busy, then?

Whether it’s good or bad to be busy, I’m positing that the word is overused and therefore has lost its clarity. Now when I hear someone say “I’m busy,” I have no more awareness of their schedule than I did two seconds beforehand. And these questions remain in my mind:

If everyone is busy, is anyone busy?

If “busy” describes everyone, does it describe anyone?

Do we say we are busy to validate our own importance?

Is there a societal pressure to be busy?

Today I encourage you to think about your own level of busyness and what distinguishes “busy” from “not busy” in your life. How much busyness is beneficial for you?

Handling change

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Photo by ba1969

A lot of change is currently happening my life. I’m “starting a new chapter,” to say the least.

I’m actually starting about four or five new chapters all at the same time, and quite frankly, it’s a little intimidating.

I wish they were short, easy chapters too. In reality, they’re the exact opposite: a new school year, a new leadership position, a break in a long relationship, a health/wellness plan, a spiritual development quest, and an independent living arrangement.

It’s hard for me to adjust to all of this. And it’s hard not to doubt myself and feel incapable from time to time. Change can be scary (can you relate?). A lot of change all at once…can be terrifying.

To help myself boldly turn the page and begin these new chapters, I have to deliberately coach myself. If I don’t, I start to worry and my mind wanders, sometimes whispering to me, “You’re in over my head.”

In these moments I remind myself that change can be good. In fact, it’s often an improvement. I remind myself that it’s making me stronger. I remind myself that I have friends and family who love and support me. I remind myself that I am strong enough, smart enough, and resilient enough to effectively handle anything.

Lastly, I remind myself that keeping a positive outlook is imperative. “Your outlook on what could or should happen will determine your willingness to work hard now.” ~Jeffrey Gitomer.

If we don’t truly believe that good can come from change we lose our motivation and enthusiasm to face it. This perpetuates our resistance to it and prevents us from actualizing the benefits.

For most, worry is concomitant with change. I’m struggling with this, too. But growth, knowledge, and experience are also concomitant with change, and those will be my focus.

Photo by cyborg1us

Progress Avenue

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On the three-hour drive between my house and school, I always see this wonderfully intriguing sign. It’s one of those big green signs that hangs over the road and gives information, but…

This sign resonates with me because it says “Progress Avenue =====>”

Every time I pass underneath it I think “How cool would it be to live on Progress Avenue?” In a literal sense it would be neat, but in a metaphorical sense it would be elating! “Progress Avenue” in my mind means “committed to and continually making progress”. Boom! Wouldn’t that be nice?

What if you lived on “Progress Avenue”? What if you were always progressing, growing, moving, and getting closer to your goals? Sound exciting? Let’s move to Progress Avenue together :)

I certainly wouldn’t mind if I am one day described as living on “Progress Avenue”!

Photo by leovdworp

Celebrate progress: anniversary edition!

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Rewarding a behavior tends to lead to more of that particular behavior. But we don’t always get rewards from others when we do something totally awesome (psht – it’s tough out here!). Furthermore, sometimes we are the only ones who know of our own feats!

Beach retreat to celebrate! Any takers? Photo by AlexaSky

Don’t let that discourage you from rewarding yourself, though. Each time you reach a new goal, pass a milestone, break a record, or just make a deliberate improvement, take out the party hats and kazoos – it’s time to C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E!

Acknowledgment of your efforts will come back to you tenfold. If positive results aren’t reinforced, the enthusiasm may slowly die. Without enthusiasm, without a reward, without something to look forward to, motivation dwindles and dissipates.

Ever wonder why video games are so loved and addicting? Many of them have scrupulously calculated reward ratios. The gamer tries and tries and then finds a box of magic coins. Then they try and try and find the golden sword. Then they defeat a level and unlock a hidden power. They are never allowed to go too long without a small celebration and reward for their progress! If they were, what would happen? They would stop playing because the game would be no fun.

It’s the same in life. Life is a game. Be enthralled by it! Love it! Be captivated! Be constantly progressing, playing, and achieving, and give yourself your own box of coins, magic sword, and hidden powers. Reward yourself. Celebrate your progress! Did you get a promotion? Have a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. Did you get a great report card? Buy yourself some new clothes. Win a gold medal at the Olympics? Go to Disney World!

Celebration of progress is your way of saying to your brain: “Look, that was good. Give me more of that and I will give you more of this celebration stuff!” And your brain will likely say, “Can’t wait! More good stuff coming right up!”

As for me, this post marks exactly one year since my first blog post, “If you put bunny ears on somebody it means you love ‘em!”. It’s my first Blogiversary! I have not yet decided on the celebration for it (perhaps your suggestions/comments will help!), but best believe I’ll be celebrating somehow! I’m thinking ice cream, a nap, new Packer’s car seats, a book, or a round of golf :)

Oddly enough, it’s also fellow blogger and friend Bianca’s 21st birthday. Congratulations to her! By the way, aren’t birthdays just a celebration of the progress of life? Of course! And everyone loves birthdays! Take a lesson from that; celebrate your own progress, even if it’s not your birthday :)

Photo by jsnflo

Precious and sacred life

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Fifteen minutes ago a text from my sister rendered me speechless.

She asked if I remembered someone from our high school bus ride, who had tragically died earlier today. I asked what grade he was in. She said he was in my grade, and then shared his name.

My heart dropped.

Not only did I know him, I spoke with him just two days ago. It was the first time I had seen him in years, and we ended up reminiscing for about ten minutes, sharing milestones in our lives and joking about how quickly time flies. We mentioned all the Facebook updates that continuously surprise us (friends getting married, having kids, getting jobs) and how it seems like only yesterday we were still in Parkland High School.

He was excited to go back to college at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, and would be leaving in just a few weeks. After getting his degree he planned on going to flight school to become a pilot. I joked about his muscular physique and asked if he was still doing gymnastics. He was. In fact, he was captain of the school team.

He was such a kind person. Every memory I have with him at school was a pleasant one; seeing him in the hallways and saying hello, washing our hands at roughly the same time during lunch…the list goes on.

Something I distinctly remember from our conversation on Wednesday was how much eye contact he made. He seemed truly interested, respectful, and present in our conversation. Honestly, that doesn’t happen too much anymore in the “let-me-check-my-phone-quick” age of communication. But he was such a genuine person, and I am lucky to have shared those moments with him.

Just two days ago we spoke. Two days. My mind is still in disbelief. I look at this blog on personal growth and am reminded that growth is only possible through life. And because life is unpredictable, it is all the more precious and sacred. How lucky we are to have it. As I saw today, it only takes one moment, one incident, to change everything.

To his friends and family: I earnestly pray that you may be blessed with healing, hope, and comforting. What an amazing man you had to share your lives with.

To everyone else: Please please please, remember how precious life is. Why fight, why argue, why be bitter…why not love? Anyone you meet, on any given day, at any given place, could use your kindness and appreciation. Take life seriously. Share it. Cherish it. Make the most of it. Smile. Be happy; we are not all promised tomorrow.

It’s easy to think of ourselves as invincible, but too many stories like this show the opposite. Even young lives, even compassionate, friendly people, with friends, family, dreams, and aspirations, can be taken at any time. May it remind us all of how blessed we are for this very moment.

Every night we go to bed, and every morning we wake up, let our first words be “thank you”. How precious and sacred, life is.

In memory of Austin, dedicated to his family, friends, and anyone who has ever lost somebody.

I earnestly pray that you may be blessed with healing, hope, and comforting. What an amazing man you had to share your lives with.

Photo by eyebiz

Be ready for opportunities

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“If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready…” Matthew 24:43

This is a profound teaching that can be applied to so many areas of life. When we know an opportunity is coming, we prepare for it. Of course we do! But the truth is, many times in life we don’t know when an opportunity is coming. And if it comes and we are not ready, the consequences can be regretful.

If we know when we’ll need a major car repair, of course we’ll save money in the preceding weeks. Of course we’ll drive a little more carefully.

If we know when our boss is stopping in, of course we’ll clean up our desks and work a little harder. Of course we’ll make sure the papers and reports are ready.

If we know when we’ll be quizzed, of course we’ll study. Of course we’ll bring a pencil to class and review our notes.

If we know when the girl/guy of our dreams will come into our lives, of course we’ll be ready. Of course we’ll hit the gym, dress a little nicer, fix our hair, and so on. We wouldn’t want to mess that one up!

But here is a simple truth about life: we cannot predict the future. We will never know but a small percentage of things to come. Scary? Not necessarily. That just means we have to prepare ourselves the best we can for the potential opportunities coming our way.

In the words of Will Smith, “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.”

So how can this be applied to your life?

Well, it depends on what you do. Maybe it means to always have a business card on you. Maybe it means to have an elevator pitch perfected. Maybe it means to carry around samples of your work. Maybe it means to read the paper daily for real estate deals. To have money in the bank. To be in shape. To study for a test. To have an updated resume on hand.

The point is, we can’t anticipate everything, but we can anticipate a lot of things. And if we prepare for those things in advance, we can have much more control over the outcomes!

Remember, back-up quarterbacks are ready at a moment’s notice to go in the game. They have prepared for that opportunity just as diligently as the starting quarterback.

Don’t let a golden opportunity pass you by. Don’t let an avoidable obstacle catch you by surprise.

Think ahead. Be prepared; be ready!

Photo by vivekchugh

Bad experience?

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Bad experience? We can all relate to that one.

Did someone lie to you? Anger you? Did you get ripped off, kicked while you were down, or just plain ignored? Client trouble? Financial mistake? Relationship gone wrong?

On the bright side, that means you’re alive. Phew! (Sigh of relief.)

(Probably after a very bad experience!)

On the not-so-bright side, bad experiences stink. They can spoil a good mood, ruin an entire evening, and even jeopardize relationships. Yikes!

But there IS a bright side. If we change our perspective just a little bit, we can see that bad experiences come as a package deal: bad stuff on top with a lighter dose of good stuff underneath. Can you see the good stuff?

You know the bad stuff. The bad stuff is the experience itself. The unpleasant, distasteful, upsetting, confusing, saddening, disheartening experience you now recollect: The mean coworker. The bullies. The camping fiasco. You know about those. But let me share the good stuff:

First, each bad experience brings individual growth through learning. You grew a little bit because of that experience. You stand a little taller. You’re a little stronger. You’re a little wiser. If you find yourself in a similar situation, now you know how to react. Maybe now you can avoid it in the first place. You probably learned some valuable lessons along the way, too.

Who knows…maybe you even got off easy. For example, I was scammed twice in the same year while online shopping. Combined, I lost $150 buying from complete frauds. But because of this…I learned not to buy from disreputable sellers and to do my homework before making a purchase. That lesson cost me $150. Some people learn that same lesson after they lose $100,000. I got a good deal!

The second silver lining that comes with each bad experience is the ability to help other people. You now know something you didn’t know before, something that many people could benefit from.

Did a mechanic rip you off? Tell your friends; spread the word. You can help someone avoid the same dissatisfaction (don’t you wish someone told you?).

Did a relationship end badly? Use what you’ve learned to help others in similar relationships. Maybe they just need to talk to someone who has “been there”. Now you have “been there”!

Did an employer fire you unfairly? Tell people how to protect themselves from similar situations.

You see, the best chefs/teachers/friends/lawyers/plumbers/golfers/authors/gardeners are the best because they’ve experienced the good and the bad. Thus, they’re well rounded. They can handle adversity and even counsel others. That only comes from experience, good and bad, and they’ve learned to capitalize upon both!

Next time you have a bad experience, remember: it’s not 100% bad. You’ve still learned something, and now you have one more experience that can be used to help others.

Keep your chin up, smile, and keep moving forward. A good experience is right around the corner!

First photo by catalin82. Second photo by sebileakc

Leave your mark

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In the grand scheme of things, our existence is just a tiny blip on the timeline of history. Even one hundred years, which seems significant to us (and is more than enough time to have great, great, grandkids), is just an eye blink for the earth. But this doesn’t mean we’re insignificant. Every human being who has ever lived has had the same seemingly short existence. Of course, some live longer than others, but we’re all temporary visitors nonetheless.

I think this creates a wonderful opportunity for us to do something special. To do something that somehow says “Hey, I was here. I made a difference.” We don’t all need to be radically-minded world changers, but I do think we should all find a way to make a difference – to somehow contribute to our fellow man. Even if it’s just in the life of one person, a little contribution can go a long way.

As I was hiking recently I saw the rock structure pictured below. I thought it was the coolest thing, not because it was a free standing piece of art, but because I will never know who made it. Someone hiking the path decided to create something that other hikers would see. It made clear that someone had come before us. Someone’s hand had touched the earth in that very spot. Just by adding a human touch, one hiker made that spot a little more special than it was before. Maybe I’m weird, but I thought that was so cool!

I think we should all strive to do something similar. We’re going to leave a mark either way, no matter what we do. The people who come after us will notice our impact, our contribution, our existence. Maybe not everyone, but surely some will. It will either be through the lives we influence, which in turn will influence other lives, or though the physical stamps we make – buying a home, developing land, planting a garden, and so on. It is our responsibility to make sure that the mark we leave is a contribution, not a burden, upon those who follow. I think it is equally as important that the mark we leave is congruent with who we are. What values do you want to be known for taking a stand for? What kinds of projects do you want to be known for starting? What messages do you want to leave behind? What will be your legacy? These are some fun questions to help generate meaningful answers.

Even if we regret some of the marks we’ve left in the past, today is a new day. And tomorrow will be another! It’s never too late to make a new one. It’s never too late to add to an old one. It’s never too late to find some way to make a difference. The opportunities are endless. Just find something you care about, and leave it a little better than when you arrived! You can do it :)

Pace of life

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In the past few days I’ve been contemplating the pace of life.

What is the ideal pace of life? Does an ideal pace even exist? If so, is it fast, slow, or maybe a mixture between the two? None of the above? Does it vary for each person?

I feel like a strong case could be made for all of the options, and I’m not completely sure of the answer. What I’d like to do now is just present the different sides as I view them, and maybe my perspective will help you develop your perspective. I do feel that to some extent, everyone has a different ideal pace. It will likely depend on the values, goals, aspirations, and circumstances of each individual person. In any event, here are some of my thoughts on the pros and cons of each one.

1. Life in the fast lane! What is it that makes a rapid-paced life so appealing? Well, getting a lot of things done is a good start; accomplishing goals left and right doesn’t leave much time for lollygagging around. Plus, having a sense of urgency is crucial to time management. Otherwise, tasks may end up taking longer than expected and overflow into time for other tasks (we’ve all written a paper in five hours that could’ve been written in two if we just worked diligently). But with a sense of urgency comes less relaxation and possibly more stress.

I like to do lots of things (clubs, sports, friends, school, church, etc.) and it seems like having a hurried pace is a necessary evil sometimes. Eating quick meals, running out the door, and coming home late every night are accepted as trade-offs for a jam-packed (but enjoyable) schedule.

There are so many opportunities available to us in life, and spreading ourselves thin may be exhausting at times but very fulfilling at others. For example, I am fortunate enough to attend a college with opportunities for just about anything imaginable. I take advantage of this by active participation in just about a dozen different extracurricular activities. But this means I’m always busy. But what’s the cost of not taking those opportunities? Less social interaction, skill development, sense of community, fun, return on college investment, and so on. When looking at it that way, maybe being constantly busy isn’t so bad after all.

But on the other hand…

2. Life in the slow lane can be good too! It’s important to savor and enjoy life, which often requires taking the foot off the gas. After all, the scenery becomes blurry when we’re cruising at 100+ mph. That’s why nature walks are so highly suggested in the health and wellness field. A walk requires you to move slowly, and by moving slowly you can release tension from your mind and body and admire nature’s beauty. This is conducive to self-reflection and other thoughts that a “busy-every-second-of-the-day” schedule might not allow.

In recent books I’ve read, Deepak Chopra and Norman Vincent Peale discuss pace as well. Chopra, in The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, talks about practicing silence, of slowing down our minds and not speaking. He says “Stillness is the first requirement for manifesting your desires, because in stillness lies your connection to the field of pure potentiality that can orchestrate an infinity of details for you.” Dr. Peale, in The Power of Positive Thinking talks about how accelerated our lives have become and how people are destroying their physical and mental bodies because of it. He says “The pace of modern life must be reduced if we are not to suffer profoundly from its debilitating overstimulation and super-excitement.”

I recently had a conversation with someone for three hours (face to face!). It’s shameful to admit that even though I had no urgent work to attend to, I still felt a bit uneasy at times. In the hurried pace of my life, every second of every day being directed at accomplishing some goal, I wasn’t used to slowing down and talking with someone for that long. It’s just not a common occurrence any more, not with emails, Facebook, texting, and phone calls becoming the norm. But why not? Why not talk to someone for three hours? Why not relax and focus on one individual for a bit? The texts will be there when we get back. But I think this demonstrates the effects of too much fast-pace in our lives. If we move too fast all of the time, we may actually un-learn how to slow down. And by forgetting how to slow down, we miss all of the profound benefits of it.

3. Ultimately, I think pace of life comes down to balance. I know that sounds like a cliche answer, but I think that in general, life is about balance (balanced diet, balanced budget, balanced team, balanced schedule – all of which are better than the unbalanced versions). If our pace of life is always in high gear, pedal to the metal, eventually we will burn out. But if we move too slowly, opportunities may pass us by and go to those moving at a swifter pace. However, and this is an incredibly important distinction to make, a slow pace does not mean becoming lazy!! You can have a slow pace and still work twenty hours a day. The turtle (as opposed to the hare) wasn’t lazy; he just moved slowly. Now, I wouldn’t suggest this for Olympic sprinters. But, even though sprinters are in high gear when it comes to running, they don’t have to be in high gear with their families and friends, or with their jobs. It’s about balance.

As stated, this topic has been on my mind for some time now. Unfortunately, I don’t know the pace of life that suits you best, but I do think that to some extent, it will be balanced. And I hope that this encourages you to think about your own life-pace, and not just accept it “as is”. You do, after all, have control over it and the power to change it.

Some questions to ponder: When is high-gear appropriate in your life? When is slowing down appropriate? What is the “default” pace at which your life operates, and is that contributing or detracting from the quality of your life? What pace do you need to have to live the life you want? To fulfill your dreams?

“Have fun in your command. Don’t always run at a breakneck pace. Take leave when you’ve earned it: Spend time with your families.” ~Colin Powell

Photo by cienpies

Final thoughts from a dream

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Last night I had a dream that I was in a car with my dad. He was driving and I was in the passenger seat, and we were having a friendly conversation as we enjoyed the ride together.

We were cruising on the highway when something went terribly wrong. Traffic came to a sudden halt in front of us but my dad didn’t notice. By the time he did, it was too late and a devastating impact was inevitable. As I began to brace myself by turning my body to my right and covering my head with my left arm, my first thought was “Please God, save us.” I remember feeling relieved for a moment, just happy that I got in a final prayer before the crash. It was all happening so slowly, and it appeared I underestimated how much time until the impact. I knew I should quickly pray something else in the those spare moments. Without hesitation I continued my prayer, and my final words were “If you can only save one of us, save my dad.” Then everything went black.

But the dream was not over. The next thing I remember was standing outside of the car with my dad, inspecting it. We were looking for damage. Apparently, we (miraculously) avoided the collision, both of us were fine, and only the back of the car was damaged. Oddly enough, I don’t even think my dad knew how we avoided the accident.

I awoke and meditated on this a bit. It wasn’t the happiest of dreams (obviously), but I think it was meaningful nonetheless. In those final moments of my life, there was no time to think about what I wanted to say. My prayer was instinctive; it was just the first thing that came to mind. There is no way to know how I would have reacted in real life, but the dream was so real that maybe it was accurate. Either way, it got me thinking of something much deeper.

What will be our instinctive responses when we face a tragedy? What emotions will we feel when we face something as scary as death? In my dream, there was actually a kind of peace. At the instant I realized the crash was inevitable and there was nothing I could do, I accepted it almost matter-of-factly, and just uttered a quick prayer as I braced myself.

I’m glad it was instinctive to pray, and I’m glad it was instinctive to ask for my dad to be saved and not for me. In my dream, I was almost certain I was going to die, so to have that sort of unselfish love eased my mind as I awoke, even if it was just in a dream.

My question to you then, is, what will be the nature of your final thoughts? Will they be happy, peaceful, or spiritual, or maybe angry, bitter, or indifferent? Will you be happy with that nature? If not, what are you doing today that will put you in the best position to have the final thoughts you desire? It doesn’t have to be about death, either. Often, we aren’t given adequate time to decide our thoughts or plan our emotions; they come naturally. The question is, then: are we happy with how they come when they come naturally?

I awoke this morning with a sense of relief, happy with the nature of the final thoughts from my dream. But those thoughts were only instinctive because of patterns I’ve established while awake. In other words, the thought patterns we create every day, the things we fill our minds with, and the way we perceive life, will all add up to our instinctive responses when the time comes (in real life, that is; dreams are more arbitrary). We are, after all, creatures of habit, and since we can’t avoid thought, it’s important to develop thought patterns that align most closely with who we are and who we want to become.

In other words…

Cultivate in yourself the kinds of thoughts you want to think when you don’t have time to think!

Photo by krilm