Tag Archives: development

Bad experience?

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Bad experience? We can all relate to that one.

Did someone lie to you? Anger you? Did you get ripped off, kicked while you were down, or just plain ignored? Client trouble? Financial mistake? Relationship gone wrong?

On the bright side, that means you’re alive. Phew! (Sigh of relief.)

(Probably after a very bad experience!)

On the not-so-bright side, bad experiences stink. They can spoil a good mood, ruin an entire evening, and even jeopardize relationships. Yikes!

But there IS a bright side. If we change our perspective just a little bit, we can see that bad experiences come as a package deal: bad stuff on top with a lighter dose of good stuff underneath. Can you see the good stuff?

You know the bad stuff. The bad stuff is the experience itself. The unpleasant, distasteful, upsetting, confusing, saddening, disheartening experience you now recollect: The mean coworker. The bullies. The camping fiasco. You know about those. But let me share the good stuff:

First, each bad experience brings individual growth through learning. You grew a little bit because of that experience. You stand a little taller. You’re a little stronger. You’re a little wiser. If you find yourself in a similar situation, now you know how to react. Maybe now you can avoid it in the first place. You probably learned some valuable lessons along the way, too.

Who knows…maybe you even got off easy. For example, I was scammed twice in the same year while online shopping. Combined, I lost $150 buying from complete frauds. But because of this…I learned not to buy from disreputable sellers and to do my homework before making a purchase. That lesson cost me $150. Some people learn that same lesson after they lose $100,000. I got a good deal!

The second silver lining that comes with each bad experience is the ability to help other people. You now know something you didn’t know before, something that many people could benefit from.

Did a mechanic rip you off? Tell your friends; spread the word. You can help someone avoid the same dissatisfaction (don’t you wish someone told you?).

Did a relationship end badly? Use what you’ve learned to help others in similar relationships. Maybe they just need to talk to someone who has “been there”. Now you have “been there”!

Did an employer fire you unfairly? Tell people how to protect themselves from similar situations.

You see, the best chefs/teachers/friends/lawyers/plumbers/golfers/authors/gardeners are the best because they’ve experienced the good and the bad. Thus, they’re well rounded. They can handle adversity and even counsel others. That only comes from experience, good and bad, and they’ve learned to capitalize upon both!

Next time you have a bad experience, remember: it’s not 100% bad. You’ve still learned something, and now you have one more experience that can be used to help others.

Keep your chin up, smile, and keep moving forward. A good experience is right around the corner!

First photo by catalin82. Second photo by sebileakc

Staying postive part two: Starting the day

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Early yesterday morning I strolled over to the computer lab to work on a blog post. Within a few moments of writing, I heard the sounds of punches, shouts, and screams coming from the headphones of the guy next to me. Glancing over at his computer screen, I saw a television show with a disturbingly violent scene.

I quietly laughed it off, thinking “It’s probably just a harmless fight scene between two friends or coworkers”. But after a few minutes, I heard the punches and screams again. When I looked over, another violent scene was unraveling. “Interesting,” I thought, “maybe it’s a crime show or something”. Sadly, this continued, and even got worse. The final straw (before I got up and left) was when I saw a group of professionally-dressed individuals beating up a single man. The group members all had weapons – the man did not. It was graphic, to say the least, and the kid’s headphones blared like a boombox. Interesting way to start the day!

When I left to go to class, I remembered a recent discussion I had with a friend one morning. She had just been watching the news, and saw a story of a man committing ghoulish, disturbing murders in a horrific manner (trust me – you don’t want to know more). Keep in mind, that was the morning news! She told me about the incident, and my first thought was, “Dang, I could never start my day with news like that”. Ever. I mean, how could I pick daisies, frolic in a meadow, or skip down the street laughing and exuding happiness after hearing that kind of a grizzly story?

So here’s the thing…

I’m not saying that people can’t be positive if they start their days with violent television shows or by watching the news. But I do think it makes it harder…much harder, because negativity begets negativity (and the opposite is also true). Due to the negative nature of news, then, this doesn’t bode well for happy-seekers. Accordingly, if your goal is to be the happiest, most optimistic person you can be, it might be beneficial to use that time for something positive that will make you feel great.

Because…

Quite possibly, the best way to stay positive and keep a rockin’ attitude is to get your day off to a good start. Whether it be dating (first impressions), a game of football, a 100-meter dash, or writing a paper, how we start is critical. Absolutely critical. 

I think the same idea applies for our day. The quality of our day and attitude is largely determined by the first things that we put into our minds after waking up.

The way we start sets the tone for all that will follow. I remember my old football coach constantly stressed the first play of the game more than any other. That was the play you sent the most powerful message to the guy across from you. Either you were going to “give him hell”, or he was going to have an easy day. Both of you would know after the first play. What tone was I going to set?

I like to start my days by reading something positive, uplifting, or inspirational. I’ve been doing this every single day for four months and more or less consistently over the past year. In other words, the message I start my day with is some combination of positive energy, encouragement, and/or hope. I honestly think it has benefited my attitude and positivity more than any other single thing. Now, on the other hand, people getting jumped, assaulted, or murdered, has no place in my mind. After all, the more negative holding us back, the harder it is to be positive. Simply put, when we eliminate negativity, positivity gets easier.

Once again, if your goal is to be/stay more positive, my suggestion is to carefully examine the first things you put into your mind after you wake up. Are they negative, positive, or neutral? Are they helping or hurting your attitude, and what kind of tone do they set for your day? How is that tone affecting your life?

As you search for the answers to those questions, I wish you the best of luck and offer one more thing to keep in mind: “Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.” ~Bill Meyer

Plant amazing seeds in the morning :)

Photo by mgoren

Study the leaders

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From all the authors and speakers I’ve heard discuss success, this is perhaps the single best piece of advice I’ve come across: study the leaders. Especially if you want to be the best at what you do, or even just become better at what you do, I think this is essential.

Photo by q83

Imagine having a conversation with someone who tells you they want to be the best quarterback of all-time. You might respond to this ambitious goal by saying “Wow, so you mean even better than Joe Montana?” Now, let’s pretend this person looks at you with a confused face and asks, “Who? I haven’t heard of that guy.”

You would be completely flabbergasted. You might respond by saying, “Well, surely you at least know who Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Drew Brees are.” Once again, let’s pretend this person becomes incredibly confused and asks, “Who?!”

At this point, you might not even know what to say. You would probably ask yourself, “How can this person want to be the best quarterback of all-time yet not know who the best quarterbacks of the past or even the present are?” It wouldn’t make sense.

Naturally, anybody who wants to be a great quarterback knows all the other great quarterbacks. He knows who they are, what team they play for, what their style is, what their philosophy is, what their training regimen is, and so on. Most people would agree that an aspiring quarterback should know these things.

Now, let’s generalize this example. I believe that any aspiring individual should know these things as well. An aspiring accountant should know all the “top dogs” in accounting, what books they’ve written, schools they attended, projects they’re involved with, and so on. An aspiring author should know all the top authors, the best-sellers, what their books are about, and what their styles are. An aspiring teacher should know the leading educators, educational innovators, and the top school systems.

Awareness of these things, derived from studying the leaders, yields several great benefits:

Photo by raja4u

First, we are inundated with great ideas and advice. Leaders are leaders for a reason: either they are incredibly smart, savvy, innovative, creative, hard-working, charismatic, or visionary. Even if we can’t converse with these leaders directly, becoming familiar with them and their teachings/ideas will be worth its weight in gold. A Chinese proverb says, “A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.” In other words, find the people with the answers and just ask them the right questions.

Second, we can shorten the learning curve. Most leaders in their fields, whether it be health, fitness, speaking, teaching, accounting, management, leadership, sports, chemistry, etc., have written books and/or speak on the subject. Many times they point out exactly what originally kept them from becoming a leader and what propelled them to later become a leader. Knowing this can keep us from making the same mistakes, or, can aid us in making the same good decisions.

Third, we have an idea of what’s possible, even if we never plan to duplicate it. When Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile for the first time in history, 16 other people broke the same barrier within 3.5 years. For a while, it wasn’t thought possible, but once it “became” possible, all of a sudden people could do it. By knowing what the leaders are up to and what they’re accomplishing, it makes us aware of the possibilities, which we can then adapt, surpass, or just keep in mind as we forge our own paths.

I encourage everyone to look up and study at least 5 leaders in whichever field they are most interested. Arrive at the point where you could answer the question “Who are the biggest names in that field?” with a list of people in just a few seconds. Depending on who you look up, you could even try to get in contact with them, and perhaps they’ll respond! This will undoubtedly provide many benefits and bring you closer to becoming a leader yourself!

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A quote from Larry Winget, the Pitbull of Personal Development, sums up this post pretty well: “Do you think Target and KMart don’t know what Walmart does? Do you think US Air doesn’t know what Southwest is doing? People who are serious about the business they are in study the other leaders in the business.”

Study away :)

Photo by barunpatro

Why should we read?

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This summer I’ve gotten into the habit of reading, and I absolutely love it! Which makes me wonder why most people don’t read anymore. But I do have a good guess as to why that is. I think it’s because ‘required reading’ in 6th-12th grade took all the fun out of it. We couldn’t just read something without being quizzed on it, without having to find the symbolism, or metaphors, or the complex sub-plots that the author devised. Once reading ability became a quantifiable skill, people who missed these things thought they were no good at it, and even people who were good at it got sick of having their brains picked for something that maybe they just wanted to enjoy. But I’ve come to enjoy this funny thing called reading, and have seen it in a new light which I’d now like to share. Minor disclaimer: I read mostly self help and informational books; the following doesn’t necessarily apply to stories.

You see, when it comes to reading books that give knowledge (not referring to fictional stories), whether it be about cars, success, finance, sport technique, etc., reading exponentially shortens our learning time. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time we learn something. There are people out there who have already went through all the trial and error, got the experience, did the interviews, studied the topics, and were generous enough to put the best of what they know and have learned into a book. If we just read what they wrote, we can acquire the best of what they know in a teeny fraction of the time. In other words, if somebody buys/sells real estate for 30 years, then writes a book on successful real estate investing, and you read that book, you now know what it took them 30 years to learn. Keep in mind the book might’ve only taken a few days to read. Let’s broaden the example: Say you read 25 books in one year, and let’s assume that each book’s author put 10 years of experience into their book. That is 250 total years of experience within these 25 books that you’ll acquire in one year!! If you do this for 10 years, you would have acquired 2,500 years of other people’s experience, learning, and testing, and you might only be 30 years old! Just for reference, 2,500 years ago was twenty generations before anyone heard of Jesus, and about 500 doctoral degrees. And if you read 50 books a year for ten years, you would have a total cumulative experience that would date you back to the pyramids. And once again, you might only be 30 years old.

Why is this so important? Because nothing can stand in the way of someone who is that prepared! Think of it this way, at one point in time, humans had to constantly fight to stay alive, and their physical fitness and fighting ability determined how long and how well they’d live. Therefore, they would spend most of their time preparing, practicing, sharpening their weapons, and creating new weapons because their life depended on their readiness at the time of battle. Today, we don’t battle with swords anymore, but we still battle all the time, and I’m not talking just about the military. In relationships, in the workplace, in sports, just about anywhere we are constantly ‘battling’. But this time, the mental preparation and sharpness of mind (not sword) will ultimately determine how ready we are when it’s time to battle. How ready will you be?