Tag Archives: advice

Who do you listen to?

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Everyone spends time on the receiving end of advice and criticism. Whether it be from parents, friends, coworkers, teachers, professors, authors, or maybe just the media, there is no shortage of advice on the right way to live our lives.

Sometimes advice comes gently packaged in nice wrapping paper, other times it can be thrown in our faces fresh out of the oven. Sometimes it can be accurate advice from an informed source, other times it can be ignorant dribble with no actual value. Sometimes it’s from people we admire and look up to, other times it’s from people who we don’t particularly like. One thing is for certain, though: it is much easier to be on the receiving end of advice when we think critically about it’s overall quality.

Advice that comes politely from someone we admire, who is particularly well informed about the topic, is generally worthy of our consideration. For example: Lance Armstrong giving tips on riding a bicycle. However, if he did it in a belittling, insulting way, all of a sudden it might not be as welcomed. Or, on the other hand, if someone who has never ridden a bike before gives us advice, it wouldn’t make much sense to listen to them. Lastly, if our arch nemesis tries to give us a few pointers, we might turn off our ears before they even start, which could indeed be a good idea.

But I think the most important things to consider when receiving advice are the other person’s intentions, credibility, and your level of esteem for them. 

Intentions: Advice is best when it comes from people who have our best interests in mind – not theirs. Are they telling you not to get a job because they want to have a higher status than you? Do they want you to succeed, but just not as much as them? Are their intentions selfish? For example, do they want you to keep smoking because if you quit they’ll be the only one left? Are they advising you because they genuinely want to help…or are they doing it to show off how smart they are? All these things must be considered before we can really know how sincere someone’s help is. Fortunately, this can be pretty easy to discern in a few seconds, especially if we know the person.

Credibility: Can the advice-giver back it up? Have they been “down that road before” or at least studied the subject at hand? If our ultimate goal is success (in whatever area we’d like to imagine), we need to eliminate things slowing us down. One thing that slows a lot of people down is ill-directed advice. People saying “do this, do that, trust me, it’ll work” may not always be as certain as they sound. Examine their accolades, expertise, and experience before deciding to jump at their advice.

Level of esteem: This is probably the most important one for teens and young adults. Why? Peer pressure. And sometimes, peer pressure from people we don’t even like. It’s always upsetting to hear a story about how someone did something they didn’t want to do, in order to please someone they didn’t even like. Personally, a lot of people (especially in the young adult demographic) don’t approve of how I live my life. I don’t drink, smoke, or party, and I read and write for fun. I love school and learning. I believe in relationships and don’t support “hooks up”. Do I receive a ton of flak for this? You bet. Do I care? No. Why? Because the people who I actually look up to approve of my lifestyle. And so what if some people don’t? I don’t need to impress people whose opinions don’t matter to me. I don’t need to take their advice. I look up to people who tell me to do the opposite of what they tell me. Guess whose advice I’m going to take? At the end of the day, I have my own approval (most important), the approval of people I admire (pretty important) and no approval from people who just have a different set of values from me (least important). Final result: I rest easy. So my advice here is to really look at the person giving you advice and ask yourself “Is it worth it to impress this person? Do I really want their approval?”

To conclude, there are many advice-givers out there: friends, family members, professors, teachers, coaches, and so on. Often, advice is unavoidable. Sometimes, it’s unsolicited. But a wise man heeds advice, so heed it! Pay attention to it, let them say what’s on their mind, but never just take it at that. Not before assuring yourself that they have good intentions, a solid credibility, and are worthy of your esteem. That is not to say a person you despise can’t give great advice, but always keep in mind whose opinions really matter to you.

“To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.” ~Wilson Mizner

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Study the leaders

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From all the authors and speakers I’ve heard discuss success, this is perhaps the single best piece of advice I’ve come across: study the leaders. Especially if you want to be the best at what you do, or even just become better at what you do, I think this is essential.

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Imagine having a conversation with someone who tells you they want to be the best quarterback of all-time. You might respond to this ambitious goal by saying “Wow, so you mean even better than Joe Montana?” Now, let’s pretend this person looks at you with a confused face and asks, “Who? I haven’t heard of that guy.”

You would be completely flabbergasted. You might respond by saying, “Well, surely you at least know who Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Drew Brees are.” Once again, let’s pretend this person becomes incredibly confused and asks, “Who?!”

At this point, you might not even know what to say. You would probably ask yourself, “How can this person want to be the best quarterback of all-time yet not know who the best quarterbacks of the past or even the present are?” It wouldn’t make sense.

Naturally, anybody who wants to be a great quarterback knows all the other great quarterbacks. He knows who they are, what team they play for, what their style is, what their philosophy is, what their training regimen is, and so on. Most people would agree that an aspiring quarterback should know these things.

Now, let’s generalize this example. I believe that any aspiring individual should know these things as well. An aspiring accountant should know all the “top dogs” in accounting, what books they’ve written, schools they attended, projects they’re involved with, and so on. An aspiring author should know all the top authors, the best-sellers, what their books are about, and what their styles are. An aspiring teacher should know the leading educators, educational innovators, and the top school systems.

Awareness of these things, derived from studying the leaders, yields several great benefits:

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First, we are inundated with great ideas and advice. Leaders are leaders for a reason: either they are incredibly smart, savvy, innovative, creative, hard-working, charismatic, or visionary. Even if we can’t converse with these leaders directly, becoming familiar with them and their teachings/ideas will be worth its weight in gold. A Chinese proverb says, “A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.” In other words, find the people with the answers and just ask them the right questions.

Second, we can shorten the learning curve. Most leaders in their fields, whether it be health, fitness, speaking, teaching, accounting, management, leadership, sports, chemistry, etc., have written books and/or speak on the subject. Many times they point out exactly what originally kept them from becoming a leader and what propelled them to later become a leader. Knowing this can keep us from making the same mistakes, or, can aid us in making the same good decisions.

Third, we have an idea of what’s possible, even if we never plan to duplicate it. When Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile for the first time in history, 16 other people broke the same barrier within 3.5 years. For a while, it wasn’t thought possible, but once it “became” possible, all of a sudden people could do it. By knowing what the leaders are up to and what they’re accomplishing, it makes us aware of the possibilities, which we can then adapt, surpass, or just keep in mind as we forge our own paths.

I encourage everyone to look up and study at least 5 leaders in whichever field they are most interested. Arrive at the point where you could answer the question “Who are the biggest names in that field?” with a list of people in just a few seconds. Depending on who you look up, you could even try to get in contact with them, and perhaps they’ll respond! This will undoubtedly provide many benefits and bring you closer to becoming a leader yourself!

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A quote from Larry Winget, the Pitbull of Personal Development, sums up this post pretty well: “Do you think Target and KMart don’t know what Walmart does? Do you think US Air doesn’t know what Southwest is doing? People who are serious about the business they are in study the other leaders in the business.”

Study away :)

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Enjoy life along the way

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My friend Kerry gave me some great advice this summer. We were out on the golf course when I decided to ask some fun, hypothetical questions such as: “If you could travel anywhere for a day….”, “If you could eat dinner with anyone…”, “If you could go back in time…” just to spice up the conversation. I love questions like that. Now, six months later, one of his answers still resonates with me.

I asked Kerry, who is in his upper 60′s, what single message he would leave behind if he was certain it would fall into the hands of someone who needed it. More simply, I wanted the best, single piece of advice that he could give someone. He didn’t have to think for more than a couple of seconds before he replied. “Enjoy life along the way, don’t wait until the end.”

What a great, simple message. Life is not certain. Retirement is not certain. Although it’s important to work hard now for future desires (houses, cars, vacations, leisure, etc.), we must keep in mind that the journey is just as important as the destination. We don’t know how we’ll feel when we get older, we don’t know what opportunities will be lost, and we don’t know if we’ll be “up for it” when we turn 70. Maybe we will, but maybe we won’t. Why take that chance? Kerry went on to say, “If you want to go golfing with your friends, go! If you want to have some fun, do it! But don’t wait until your old.”

“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” ~Thornton Wilder

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Words of wisdom on being prepared

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“An amateur practices something until he gets it right. A professional practices until he can’t get it wrong.” ~Unknown

This lesson really hit home with me yesterday in my Speech Writing class. We each had to give a 2-3 minute Toast for a special event where it would be appropriate. It wasn’t graded so it gave us the opportunity to experiment and get some feedback. With nothing to lose, I decided to memorize my speech. It took me most of the night to do, and I had it pretty well down by bedtime. In the morning I rehearsed it a few times and headed off to class.

Unfortunately, performing it right once or twice in my room didn’t prepare me for all situations. I only got about half way through my toast when I realized I had messed up a couple lines, and even forgot one. Regrettably, I had to pick up my typed version and finish reading it from there, but what an epiphany this was! Upon taking my seat I immediately thought of the following story:

I once caddied for a couple of golfers who were talking about a certain professional. This professional had just successfully executed a new golf shot that day. They joked about how he practiced that shot for four months before trying it in a tournament, and that if they hit a shot well “once or twice” in practice they would use it on the course. But who do you think would succeed more often? I wonder how many times this professional hit that shot perfectly in practice before he took it public. Fifty? One hundred? Probably ten times that amount. He was not going to allow any situation to arise in which he would not be prepared.

I only memorized my speech on a superficial level. I could do it in my room alone, with no pressure at all. Perhaps I only did it perfectly two or three times. I didn’t memorize it to the point that nothing could phase me or throw me off. Consequentially, when presenting to the class, eventually my focus was diverted and my recollection was shaken. I was thrilled this happened though because I learned that in the future I must over-prepare. Getting it right once or twice will not suffice. If it doesn’t suffice for the best in the world how could it suffice for me?